


Different Kinds of Love

by quantumoddity



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, But amongst friends, M/M, Orgies, Other, Pining, Polyamory Negotiations, Sex Becomes Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25170961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: Percy didn't want to hear what he just heard. But it was said.Now he, his husband and their friend Shaun have to talk it out.
Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Kudos: 54





	Different Kinds of Love

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of the birthday presents I wrote for my gorgeous girlfriend, go check out her writing, she's @spiky-lesbians on Tumblr!

Percy often ran to his workshop when he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. When he was younger and his mother didn’t have time for him because of the babies or he made a fool of himself in his lessons in front of his older brother or his team lost a rugby match because of a catch he’d fumbled, he would shut the door, bar it tight and lose himself in things that made sense to him. Nuts and bolts and neat white diagrams on crisp blue paper that always wanted to roll back up, the smell of shaved metal and solder, they pushed everything else out of his mind. 

Percy didn’t have a workshop anymore, it had burned with the rest of it. But the itch was still there, the need for that order and understanding. So he used the key that Babenon had clearly said was only supposed to be for emergencies, technically broke into the garage at two in the morning and went to work. 

And it did the trick. Sort of. 

If he was laser cutting plastic for fresh headlamp covers, he didn’t have to think about what Caduceus had said, how a voice so calm and soft and simple had shattered everything. If he was welding a new body plate, he didn’t have to think about Vax’s stricken expression, as he’d dropped him off back at the apartment and driven away without a word to where he was going or when he’d be back, unable to not look at how small and scared he’d looked as he’d stood on the curb and cried his name uselessly. If he was scrubbing the rust and grime off old parts to make new again, he didn’t have to think of the hundreds of glances and passing touches and gentle words that now crowded together to make such an obvious pattern that he felt so stupid for not seeing it. 

If Percy worked, pushing through the exhaustion and ache in his heart, he didn’t have to think about Shaun Gilmore. Or that was what he told himself. 

He hadn’t thought to put the radio on, he’d been so desperate to have a problem he could fix in his hands that he hadn’t taken the time. So he heard the knock on the shutter just fine, startling him out of his fury of work, nearly making him crack the back of his head on the popped hood just above. 

Percy’s first thought was that it was Babenon, though he didn’t imagine the crime lord would knock if he thought someone was breaking into his garage practically decorated with stolen parts. It would have been a bullet flying through the shutter rather than a polite request for entry. So as he walked over to press the button to raise it, hope flared in his chest that maybe it was Vax’ildan and he’d be able to throw himself onto his knees and beg forgiveness, that he’d hold him and wrap his wings around them and it would be like tonight hadn’t happened.

What he wasn’t expecting was to see Shaun Gilmore standing on the pavement, looking at him with red rimmed eyes, his usual effortless confidence and style completely gone. Even his hair was unbrushed, flyaways caught in the night breeze. 

“Percy…” his voice sounded strained, completing the picture the red eyes had begun, “Can I...can I come in?”

“What are you doing here?” there wasn’t any anger in Percy’s voice, he wasn’t sure there was any in his heart either. He just sounded tired. But he didn’t step aside to let him in. 

Gilmore bit his lip, like he’d been expecting that. He was dressed as he had been at Caleb’s party, a loose robe eager to be pulled away, tight, low cut shirt and trousers underneath for whatever lucky boy did the pulling. But now it just looked sad and out of place and he was clearly freezing. 

“I thought you might be here after Vax said you weren’t home…”

“You spoke to Vax?” there was the anger, cold like ice cracking underfoot. 

Gilmore winced, “Percy, I know you must hate me right now but please, if you just let me explain myself…”

“Are you going to tell me Caduceus was wrong?” Percy interrupted, not in the mood for explanations, “Because if you aren’t then I don’t think there is much more you can say to me, Gilmore.”

He waited, wanting to hear the words so badly but he knew they wouldn’t come. He’d known it from the second after Caduceus had spoken, in his usual, careless way, not understanding that there were some things people wouldn’t want said aloud, unable to see what his words would bring. He’d just spoken. 

_ Because he’s in love with Vax’ildan. _

He’d said it so casually, as casually as the question had been thrown out by someone Percy couldn’t even remember, jokingly asking why Gilmore always seemed unable to be his infamous, much prized dominating self with Vax, how he’d always end up softening and giving him anything he wanted seconds after making Mollymauk suffer in the most delicious way. Caduceus didn’t have the same grasp on sarcasm the rest of them did and his wide purple eyes saw things that others didn’t. So when someone had asked, he had answered.

_ Because he’s in love with Vax’ildan.  _

Just a handful of words. That had been all that was needed to change everything. One second they were lying around in their blissful post sex haze, pillowing their heads on whoever was close by, fingers wound loosely together, all of them catching their breath and thinking how nice it was to be surrounded by people who cared about you. And then the next second it broke. 

Percy’s eyes hadn’t gone to Gilmore after Cad had spoken. He’d looked at Vax’ildan. 

And he had seen the exact same expression on his husband’s face that he saw now, on Gilmore’s. The expression that told him everything he needed to know. 

Caduceus was right. 

“Yeah, I thought so,” he said flatly, about to disappear back inside and get back to things that made sense and would help him forget that another man was in love with his husband. A better man, more put together, more sure of himself, a man who could give Vax’ildan more than he ever could. 

“Percy, please,” there were unshed tears in Gilmore’s voice, even for a man who looked like he couldn’t cry any more, “I know I’ve made such a terrible mess of things, I should have said something sooner but I will never forgive myself if I let things get worse.”

Percy looked at him with such deep exhaustion, finger itching to press the button regardless and shut it all away. 

But when had that ever really worked for him?

So, with a sigh, he stepped aside and let Gilmore follow him in, hammering the shutter down the second he passed under it and going over to make two cups of coffee. Father had always taught him to be hospitable. 

Gilmore hovered awkwardly, looking for a place to sit that wasn’t covered in machine parts or grease smears. He ended up just standing, shuffling his feet in a way that was so unlike the bombastic, theatrical shopkeeper Percy knew. Maybe because he’d always seen him in his own environment, his own space that he’d constructed to feel comfortable within. And now he was in Percy’s space, he was as unsure and small as Percy himself felt everywhere else. 

He passed the mug to him, hoping it would put him at some kind of ease and wondering why he cared about that given the circumstances. 

“I’m not...mad at Caduceus,” Percy felt the need to say it. He’d been crying when Percy had left the party with only a handful of words, a teary eyed, half dressed Vax in tow. 

“I think he knows that,” Gilmore cupped his hands around the mug, “Molly was explaining it to him.”

Percy felt a little better, though not much, “So...just say what you need to say.”

Gilmore reached up and twisted the chain of his ear cuff around his fingers, marshalling his thoughts. Percy had never realised he did that when he was anxious. Maybe he’d just never seen him anxious before. 

“I...I do love Vax’ildan,” he eventually murmured, “I can’t deny that. I have for a long time…”

Percy wished he could say the words didn’t hurt, even when he’d been braced for them. 

“I know,” he answered, voice shaky, “I didn’t see it before but now...now I think about the way you look at him sometimes, how you would always have something he’d like behind the counter for him and you knew he’d love it before he’d even seen it. How you’d touch his shoulder and always choose him at Caleb’s parties and...and treat him so gently…you don’t do that with anyone else, not in the same way.”

Gilmore looked at him, expression agonised, “And...that’s all you see?”

Percy shrugged, hunching his shoulders, uncomfortable, “I mean, what else is there? You’re kind to him, you can give him things I can’t, you always know what to say when I would get tongue tied…”

Tears were building up behind his glasses and he screwed his eyes shut so they wouldn’t fall. He didn’t want to cry. Being angry would be so much easier, it would hurt less. It would feel less like defeat.

“Percy…” he couldn’t see Gilmore’s face but his voice sounded so soft and sad, “You see all that but...but do you never see the way I do it for you too?” 

Percy’s eyes opened and he looked at him, stunned, “What?”

Gilmore sighed, looking like a man baring his heart, “I’m in love with Vax’ildan, Percy...and you. Both of you.” 

Percy tried to take that in, unable to find a place for it in amongst all the broken bits inside him, it wouldn’t fit, “I...don’t understand…”

He laughed, the sound more sad than anything, “Oh Percy...is it really so impossible? That someone else could be so clearly loved but you could also have the same?”

Percy was very aware that his jaw was hanging open like a trap and he was gaping like a fish on land, “But...but you don’t touch me or...or anything like what you do with Vax? You don’t  _ flirt  _ with me?”

“Oh, dear, of course not!” Gilmore looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, “You wouldn’t like it! Vax’ildan is so different to you, you would find all of that uncomfortable. I...I tried to find different ways to show how I felt for you. How I  _ feel _ for you.”

Percy blinked, not noticing his hand had gone slack enough that a thin dribble of coffee was pouring onto his shoes. He was too busy thinking of tens of rare books on engineering Gilmore had suddenly produced from nowhere for him to buy, despite nothing else like that being kept in the store. He was thinking of times when work had been exhausting him and he’d been walking around with bags under his eyes all week, when a word from Gilmore at just the right time would make him smile. He thought of questions Gilmore would ask about his latest projects, the hours he would listen so closely, like he was genuinely interested. He thought of the advice, the attentiveness he’d never seen for what it was until it was held up in front of him. 

“Oh…” Percy croaked as Gilmore hurried up and straightened his mug before the coffee soaked into his socks, “I’m a fucking  _ idiot.” _

“No, Percy, no,” Gilmore said gently, now close enough that Percy could smell the spice and blossom of his cologne, “You just...aren’t used to thinking of yourself that way, same as Vax’ildan. And it breaks my heart, dear, it really does. And...well, I’d give anything to have the chance to show you just how loved you both are.”

Percy swallowed, grappling with several strong emotions at once, trying to sort out what he needed and didn’t, what he felt and what was false. It was dizzying and the cologne, thick and sweet enough to get drunk on, wasn’t really helping. 

“I…” he swallowed, throat dry, “I think we’ll need to talk about it...all three of us…”

“Of course,” Gilmore said quickly, “Of course, I would never do anything the two of you weren’t comfortable with. I just...I needed to finally say how I felt. Keeping it in was hurting all of us and I’m sorry for that.”

Percy shook his head slowly, “You don’t need to be sorry, Shaun. It’s okay...I think I would like to kiss you thought?”

Shaun smiled then, that dazzling, warming smile that Percy knew. And after that it was easy. 

It was different to kissing Vax. The scrape of facial hair against his own, the broad hands that settled on his shoulders and on the back of his head, the metallic taste of the gold stud in his tongue. It was different. But in a lot of ways it was the same. 

It would take a lot of talking, a lot of thinking, a lot of open and honest conversations that were neither Percy’s nor Vax’s strong suit. But it would work. Somehow it would all click into place and a space they’d never realised was there would be filled. 

And neither of them would ever have to wonder if they were loved ever again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Rarepair ahoy! I'd love any and all comments! I'm @mollymauk-teafleak on Tumblr!


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